wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
