put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
