Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
