know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
