U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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