it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
