He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
