and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
