Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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