Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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