forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
