Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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