we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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