I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
