ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
