Jerry, you need to find god
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
