My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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