So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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