Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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