after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
