I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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