I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
