It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.