Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
