i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.