since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.