So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"