I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...