: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
