conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There r osticjed everywhere
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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