Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
