i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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