stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
