I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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