I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize