Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
