Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
