Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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