you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
