I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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