I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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