1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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