Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
