I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
as a side note pls kill me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize