I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
