OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
