Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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