ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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