so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
