does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Come see our sink grown plant.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
