If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
