I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
