I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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