We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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