i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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