I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
