i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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