Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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