Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
