There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
